(something clever)

Comments

I usually hate it when I let myself read public comments on news articles - it’s mostly just people being mean. It really grinds my gears. But sometimes… it’s delightful. I love to read some poor fellow trying to sound smart but failing miserably. The wacky grammar. The obvious thesaurus abuse. The nonsensical arguments backed by made up facts. It’s hilarious. Thank you “john” for brightening my Monday morning by explaining the increasing average age of first marriages with the ongoing recessions since the early 90s. gawd I’m conceited…

l2rt

I can’t stand it when people type replacing “you” with “u” and “to” with “2”. Okay, okay. It’s funny when my mom does it ‘cause it actually saves her a lot of time to just punch “u”. And I imagine her spending 5 minutes to send me a message that takes me 5 seconds to read. It’s precious. But uh… yeah outside of those cute/funny cases, it’s ANNOYING. It looks stupid. I glance a message littered with those worthless abbreviations and I’m repulsed. I don’t even want to read the message.  I see old people writing typed messages like that sometimes. I’m not sure why exactly, but I think they believe it’s the way they’re supposed to write on the internet. It’s probably from advertising - the other place it’s found all too often. It’s like advertisers think that’s the way young people communicate. But outside teenage girls… it’s not. Plz stop!

I know this girl from New Zealand that always types like that. It drives me crazy. I have to psyche myself up for it: Okay, just read it. Just go through the message quickly. Maybe I can just look at the whole thing at once and try to extract the entire message. Run through the words - if we can call them that. No no. It doesn’t matter how she says it. You just need to know what she’s trying to say. It’s not her fault; I bet all the people in New Zealand type like that. It’s just the way they do it out there. She doesn’t know any better. Okay… “Hey! Do U want 2 - aw FFFFUIO;3G1RPGVP;’TB0I9

Tragedy

Timing is so important. I hate when I have something funny I want to say or bring up. But there’s no one near to share it with. And then I’ll forget what it was or it’s just too late. There was no hope for that joke. No life. It was doomed from conception. It breaks my heart. And I’m a pretty tough guy so… that’s a big deal.

Lady Drivers

Today I was rear ended at a stop sign (I’m fine). The girl that hit me looked flustered and scared as she emerged from a white coupe. I probably looked pissed. I was. But I was really just angry with the lady that had ignored right of way, caused me to stop short and thus the car behind me to drift into my rear bumper. She probably thought it was her because of the way I sped off across the intersection and quickly halted on the side of the road. Plus, [Physics], so there might have been some actual damage. She swiftly began apologizing and recounting her error. She said, “It’s my fault I wasn’t looking I thought you went I was looking down.” I smiled and told her it was fine. She was nice, and her embarrassment was amusing. I tried to get her to calm down as we agreed to exchange information and returned to our cars. Then her friends walked by. They said, “Hey what’s up?” She explained - multiplying her embarrassment. I tried not to let her see me smile too much. After all this we went our separate ways. But first she had to follow me for 10 minutes as she was no doubt taking the same route home. I didn’t think I could ever leave an accident so delighted. I kept looking in my rear view laughing to myself. I don’t think she was laughing.

I’m okay with them voting and all… but DRIVING?!

The Count

Today I realized that my Econometrics professor sounds just like The Count… like from Sesame Street. I can’t take him seriously anymore. I just hear, “One… Two… Three! Three independent variables!”

jokes

They’re terrible when you explain them. Unless… that’s the joke. In which case: go on. Explaining your cleverness is like saying, “No no no. You misunderstand. I’m not stupid; I’m actually quite smart. Let me explain.”

Or how about the guy that won’t stop trying to be funny even though nobody is laughing. I love those guys. They’re hilarious. But not in a “laughing with you” sort of way…

ARGUING

I don’t know what to do when people are just flat out wrong and they try to go on and argue as if it were a matter of opinion or something they can prove. My roommate, the history major, once told me the Bolshevik Revolution was in 1939. I interrupted and said, “No, it wasn’t”. A little perturbed, he went on demonstrating why exactly it had to be 1939 for the Soviets… meanwhile I just stared at him dumbfounded. He may have realized his error one of the times I brought up WWI but it was too late for that! He was convincing me it was in 1939 DAMMIT! It wasn’t.

Music pt 2

Why do so many people say they listen to “pretty much everything”? No. Rock, Pop, Hip Hop, and that stuff your parents made you listen to when you were a kid is not everything. I’m not looking for a reason to be impressed, I just want to know what sort of music you listen to. Oh and - I actually do listen to pretty much everything. My judgment is just.

Classical Music

I hate the responses I get when I’m discovered listening to some chamber music or something. I’m not trying to be impressive so chill out. I just have unbelievably good taste in music.